I think best at 3:00 AM

The time right now is 3:09:00 AM on Wednesday 12/30/09.

I miss her so much. I have been a horrible friend. She needed me so badly, but I already moved on. I failed to realize that, yes, I am not in love with her, but yes, I am her friend.

I miss the two minute hugs.

I miss the way she looks at me and tells me that everything will be okay.

I miss the soft smile that digs into my heart and makes me blush like a child.

I miss the look on her face when I tease her.

I miss the late nights thinking of her.

I miss the video chats.

I miss the way she blushes when I pour my heart out into a single A.I.M.

I miss the first time we flirted, the day inside the movie theater watching UP. I realized how wonderful this girl was, so I moved my hand an inch towards hers. I felt her soft skin on my fingers and the goosebumps took over. At first, she pretended not to notice, but then I felt her hand pushing back onto mine. She grabbed my hand, a symbol of friendship or love (two completely different emotions), and it all went on from there.

I never returned her gift, a light kiss on the cheek before leaving her house after a very important day. I still want to.

I miss her and want her back into my life, but things are different now, and I can not expect perfect results. Wish me luck reader, I might not come out of this one.

The time right now is 3:24:30 AM on Wednesday 12/30/09.

My Own Little Poems

These are a few original poems I wrote at 1:00 A.M.

The doctor said it was too late

The surgeon said he has never seen anything so shattered.

I guess I'll never get my heart fixed.

When I smile, they run. And when I laugh, they scream

But when I love, they brake me...piece by piece

I was going to send you my heart for Christmas.

But my friends talked me out of it.

They said "Why would you send her something broken?"

Boy likes girl, girl likes boy.

Boy loves girl, girl hates boy.

When he gives you the world,

He only wants one thing back;

Love

I wish you would've told me.

Then my heart would be split in two.

Not two hundred.

When I close my eyes, I see her.

When I open my eyes, she's gone.

Her part 2

Dear anybody,

Please don't let me fall for her again.

-David...not Jason

Out of My League

Ok. By now, I have either changed A LOT because of her, or I've just wasted about five months of my life. For now, I've just become insane. The definition of insanity in the words of Albert Einstein: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

It's official, I'm insane.

But let's try to analyze these feelings psychologically. I feel like she is perfect; smart, athletic, funny, pretty. What more to a perfect person is there? (No seriously, if I left something out, please comment and I'll fix it.) But then I feel like she is WAY out of my league. Then I think about why I'm still chasing her. I mean, most guys would never talk to her again after what she's done, but I'm not most guys. She's given me a second chance before, so it's only right that I give her one to. Then there's the part of me that thinks, "Am I still chasing her because I still like her the why I liked her in summer, or is it because I told her that I'm more stubborn than her and want to prove it?" I think about this question a lot and always come up with the same answer; I don't know. And on top of all this confusion, I'm still confused about how she feels about me: does she think I'm being really sweet? Does she think I'm stalking her and she's had WAY too much of me and never wants to talk to me again? Or is it just that she wants to be friends, nothing else? Sometimes I think that it would be too simple that way. I feel like it can't happen, but I've been wrong before. This is what goes through my mind EVERY SINGLE DAY and I wish I could find an answer before I lose her forever or do something stupid.

ilyaaw,

-Jason

CD

I gave her a CD. Holy shit. It was SO HARD picking the songs, but I think I got my point across. I hope she likes it. I'm so scared right now. What if she hates it? What if she loves it? I guess I just got to go through it and hope for the best.
The last song is Burnin' Up :P

I'VE BARELY SEEN HER!!!

I just want to go to like 3rd street or something, have some lunch, see a movie, hang out at her/my house after, and have it just be us. To bad the next time thats gonna happen is in my dreams tonight.....again.

Regret

Why am I starting to regret summer?

1st day of school

Today was the first day of school.....fuck. One hour in heat then 15 minute classes and it turns out... YOU CAN GET HOMEWORK IN A 15 MINUTE CLASS ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!! Then after school was football...in pads...and tackling...and full speed...and violent...fuck. I don't think there is one part of my body that is not hurt right now. And no, I didn't see HER today...well I SAW her once while she was walking by...and I don't think she saw me. I get home...finish homework...then text her asking her to video chat. Turns out she has to wake up at 5:00 tomorrow so no talking to her today. By the way, she said we'll probably see each other after school on the first day...guess who was right? And guess who was wrong?

F
M
L

School starts tomorrow

-sigh-

ERROR!

Have you ever thought you were so right about something and then turned out to be terribly wrong? Doesn't it make you feel like a dipshit?

Fuck

What the hell am I going to do? She's completely booked for the next two weeks and after that we will barely ever see each other. So now the only thing I can say is...


FUCK!!!!!

That's all I really have to say right now.

Just when I though it couldn't get any worse

Today, I got in a car crash. Not just any car crash, but a car crash where the car flipped over. I got a bump/bruise on my head and then went to the hospital where, out of five people, only two people, including me, were actually hurt bad enough to be patients. Then after a four and a half hour hospital visit where all they told me to do was take Motrin and relax for the next few days. After all that, I obviously texted the girl I like about a million times telling her to reply to my texts and she answers me by saying "A HAVE A LIFE!!! I CANT TALK RITE NOW!!!!!". Yeah. I'm pissed off. Then she asks me a bunch of "Are you alright!?!?!?!?!?" questions and then she says "i gtg tell me wen u can call". I'm about to fucking scream my ass off by now. -sigh- Literally the worst day of my life.

HOOOOOOLYYYYYYY SHIT!

was the first thing I thought when my favorite girl in the whole world said she was going straight to high school and skipping the eight grade. Then, after she told me the...well...good news...kinda, she told me that she has lots of work to do before school starts...that means no more hanging out...no more holding hands...no more her...until school where I'll see her after school sometimes and rarely in the middle division. Now she told me this while I was at my dad's work. On my way to my dad's work, I see a big flock of birds all flying in one direction. And about three feet away from all those birds was one little bird...trying as hard as he could to catch up and not get left behind. Now this was before the big news, but now I feel like that one bird...trying as hard as I can to not get left behind...to not be forgotten...you don't need a fortune teller to tell me that she's going to make a bunch of new friends as a freshman...and sooner or later...probably sooner...I will get left behind...only to be remembered as...or not to be remembered. Well, it was great while it lasted. I hope she makes tons of new friends in ninth grade. I'm going to miss her...more than she knows. So, I guess this is it. Wish me luck...if anyone's still reading this. Um.....yeah......bye.




Why do I still love her?

Not bf. Not bff. But bffffffffffff

(In this post, I will not write all of my words correctly...starting...........NOW!)

sup ppl. rite now i am not only extremely happy but also pissed off! AND ITS ABOUT THE SAME THING!!!!!!! alow me 2 explain. you guys (thanx to my friend i can now talk 2 more than 1 person) no bout that girl that i liked and then got rejected and stil liked her. well we decided 2 b bfffffffffs. thats the closest thing 2 goin out but not. but im pissed off cuz i cant go out with her and wen i ask her y she gives me a great reason and it pisses me off and i dont want 2 admit that shes rite but i have 2 cuz she is (if she hasnt gotten the clue yet, THE FENCE!!!!!). i want 2 b her bf but i cant cuz we'll brake up and we REALLY REALLY REALLY dont want 2 looz eech other. damn that wood suk SO MUCH if i was rong and she wants 2 looz me and we rnt the closest thing 2 goin out but not. well...wish me luk.

ttyl homies!!!
btw chek out my best friends site mylifeintheformof.blogspot.com
She's an amazing writer so I know that you all will love that blog as much as I do. ILYSMAAF! (inside joke) so GO READ HER BLOG!!!! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!!!! GO READ A GOOD BLOG!!!! BUT REMEMBER TO COME BACK TO MY BLOG WHEN YOU'RE DONE!!!!

k bye

Rejection

Today, I got rejected by the one girl I really like. This is how I dissect rejection; 75% of guys would move on with their lives and chase after different girls. 20% of guys would get depressed and stop having any type of friendship with that girl. And 5% of guys would keep trying to make this one girl like you and prove that you are more stubborn than her. I am one of these guys. I am one of the few guys that will not get mad at this one girl I've been chasing and would not just keep trying, but trying harder than ever. I understand her reasons for crushing my heart, but I would still do anything for her to be mine. Rejection to me is just a 'sorry, your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again later' type of thing. Rejection is pretty necessary if you think about it. So to you, my lonely reader, get rejected, learn it, love it, and don't stop chasing the one on your mind.

Her

Great news guys (and by 'guys' I mean that one person reading this)! SHE READ MY BLOG!!! I'm pretty happy right now. For those who don't know this (pretty much 99.9% of the world), there's this girl who I really like (and no, she doesn't like me back. I know...poor Jason/David) and she knows it. (P.S. Since no one in my family really knows this, I will keep her anonymous, but she knows who she is.) The next time I see her I'm going to ask her out. Yes I know I'll get rejected, but that's the point. I want her to know that I want to be officially rejected. I want to be able to say "Yes, I did get rejected, but that doesn't change the way I feel about her." (damn that would suck if my family read this by the way) She knows how I feel. I'd tell you all, but no words can describe it. So yes, I did just tell the whole internet that I have a huge crush on this girl. And yes, this entry was about her. And yes, the entry was for her. And now, all I can think about is her. Her.

It's David, not Jason.

You (that one lonely reader who I thank for actually reading my blog) may want to know why I say my name is Jason and quickly correct myself and call myself David. Why have an alias if you're just going to say your real name right after? Or is my real name Jason and my alias is David? I think only one person (I don't even know if she is reading this...I hope so) who knows the truth is very confused right now...and so are you. I can tell. So let's have a deal; today's date is the 11th of August. By the 18th of January I will reveal my true identity and explain all this chaotic nonsense. If you want to know the truth, keep reading.

And to that one person I pray is reading this, she will know who I am...because the dinner getting is hot.

So, my hooked reader, I hope we will meet again soon. Goodbye.